Thinspirational, but Not Unhealthy-looking women….

I know, I know, the typical ‘thinspirational photos’ of a recovering anorexic immediately comes to mind, but there IS a reason that ana girls reach their goals (aka, die, basically) and just with every other situation, there are always two sides to each story, and more than two lessons to be learned from each lifetime.   So, who says, that using the occasional ana-trick, without the extremities, cannot be beneficial?    I certainly do not!  and with that, I give you, the thinspirational photos I have come across for the last month on the internet (due to my lack of memory, I do not recall their correct citations, so I will simply say, I do not own credit for the below photos!


Elizabeth Committed To Health And Lost More Than 100 Pounds

How very inspiratio­nal! Good for her!
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Chili for Breakfast…?

So, today, when I went upstairs for breakfast, I felt extremely cold.  I was also experiencing those nasty morning-hunger nausea/stomach pains, which meant I couldn’t take too long to make whatever it is that I was going to eat for breakfast.  But, not unlike the usual self, although experiencing hunger pains, NOTHING looked good, in the fridge.    I mean, there were things I could have eaten, I even started rinsing some celery and a zucchini for…something, I’m not even sure what, I was just going with typical ‘okay with my ana-brain’ food…, but I decided, because I couldn’t think of anything to make the veggies out of, besides stir fry, or a salad, and I wanted warmth, I put those veggies back.

Moving to the pantry, which, btw, is NOT stocked the way I would choose, but alas, it is not my pantry, so besides ‘golden hominy’, which I’m not even sure I know what that is, or chocolate cake mix, there was a can of chili.   Chedder cheese, meat, canned chili.   I hadn’t eaten chili in quite some while, and it sounded warm.   I brought the can back with me, into the kitchen, but I wasn’t set on my decison yet; in one serving (a cup, I believe) there was 270 calories.   Since I’m not especially fond of having to put leftovers away (the typical ‘none of these lids fit any of these container!!!’ syndrome) I already knew I would have to eat all of the can,  but that would mean over 540 calories, of beans, cheese, and most grossly, CANNED beef, which is too gross for words.   It had it’s flaws, and now that I think of it, I’m nearly positive it was my PMS that drove me to opening that can, and cooking it, along with adding extra cheese, and eating the WHOLE can (it did taste good-ish), but, I ate it.   And now, along with being cold, and tired,  I also feel sluggish, disgusted with the caloric-contents sitting in my stomach, and have a horrible taste of chili in my mouth, that I cannot seem to rid with coffee.


THIS IS NOT A FOOD RECOMMENDATION! It is simply a picture, of the truth.

And this is why, it is a BAD IDEA, to eat chili for breakfast.  Or really, to eat chili at any time, during any day.  But,  I suppose, it was a learning experience of sorts, so, yeah.   And since it’s raining, I don’t really feel like having to run off the chili breakfast, plus the chili breakfast has made my stomach full of blecky-stuffed feelings, and I fear if I were to run, I might puke, which would be the pure essence of grotesque: chili vomit =/

More of Me L8r!


Waking Up….at a decent hour.

Yay, I forced myself to stay awake post-workbound-hubby, so that’s good.   Initially (meaning yesterday night, at the END of THAT day), I wanted (aka, ‘wanted’ to force myself) to take the bus to downtown to apply for a job at the daycare that had a listing in the newspaper on Sunday, but now…I see…rain, I notice…exhaustion…I am aware of, my low self esteem and overall shyness and inexperience in actual-job hunting, so these things are keeping me from calling ‘Blue for more information’ which is what is instructed in their ad.   But, I don’t want to call ‘Blue’, I don’t want to try to convince the work-force world, that DESPITE my lack of any sort of school completion (very much including highschool); my inability to provide ‘references’ because 1. I’ve only had one job, that lasted a delightful total of four months, & 2. besides my husband, and my family (which you’re NOT supposed to use as references, and I wouldn’t really be apt to use my family as references any way) I don’t know anyone, who has known me, for even a year, that STILL knows me, and is anything but a fb acquaintance; my age, and my driven-to-bus-riding driver’s license-lessness, I am an incredibly reliable, loyal, self-sufficiant, mature, quickly learning, eager to HAVE a job again,  intelligent person!  Can’t someone just let the work force know, on behalf of me?  Just like, whisper to all the places that I might desire to work for, so that they can call me?   Of course not, but I can have completely unrealistic dreams if I want.  Grr.  I’m totally planning on writing more to this subject later, but I’m posting this first part, for now.


Some endings, if not Beginnings…

So, last night, my hubby and I decided to make spaghetti for dinner.   It was technically kind of past dinner time, at 8pm-ish, but as neither of us had eaten in a while, we chose spaghetti.    By the time the meatballs were done baking, the water had boiled, enter the noodle’s cook time, my homemade (didn’t turn out as well as I hoped) garlic bread toast,  and the sauce heated up, so that we could get it on our plates, we ended up eating a bit too much.   I had stomach cramps well into the night, my husband wasn’t fairing so well either, there’s still a few dishes upstairs that I couldn’t finish due to the ache in my gut, yeah.  It wasn’t pleasant.    So, I have decided, from today until the known future (oxymoron: the future is in no way ‘knowable’), I’m going to be mostly vegetarian.  I’m still going to eat things like chicken and eggs,  but if I can help it without looking completely rude by not eating what my father-in-law prepares for dinner (which is usually red meat) I’m going to do my best to stay away from red meat.   I also have some beef (haha) with pasta/carbohydrate-like foods, cuz they’re SO fricking good, but they’re just way too filling and sluggish making.   Not sure what I’m going to do about that, but…I just need to feel less energy-less.  And it makes it way harder to get myself to go exercising, if I have a bunch of glug in my stomach.

Glug = the gross feeling of too dense of food in the stomach, resulting in sluggish body and depressed mind.

Ack! I have to go eat breakfast, cuz I’m starting to feel morning nauseousness, which I loathe.   Didn’t have that for a while, but my stomach has since re-awakened, against my personal preference.   I’ll try to get back on here, tell you what I had for breakfast.  Cuz, you know, all zero of my blog followers, are all SO eager to hear about what I eat for breakfast.




Oh yeah, and the other ‘ending’, I had a cigarette today, cuz I had a dream last night that my sister Azzy was smoking, and she gave me a few, and so, that was on my mind, and I haven’t had one in a little while, but it was kind of gross.  At the same time, it was a Camel Blue, but, I don’t know.  I’m not going to straight out say I’m 100% quitting, but, it wasn’t 100% awesome this morning.  *shrug* whatev.  I do hope my sister’s okay, though, as I haven’t talked to her in a while, and I’ve now had two consecutive nights of dreams of her, one where she gets admitted to treatment, and now her lighting up a ciggy.    Not sure if the smoking development would excite me, cuz she’d be all, going against the nest’s grain, or, if I’d truly just be worried.

-Ciao x2

Nightmares Are Horrid.


Wow.  I hate not getting out of bed until noon.  I feel so very extremely lazy, and guilty.   I hate getting out of bed (finally) at noon, almost as much as I hate an unfinished nightmare, which is very true, because I did stay in bed until 12pm so that I could try to finish it, but that doesn’t always work very well.

What was the nightmare about, you may ask?  It was focused around my older sister (I’m gonna call her Azzy here, cuz she’s particular about where her name is written in the world, and I do not have her permission to use it here), preparing to have to become admitted into treatment.  And there is truly no one that I know, that is less suited to get raped by treatment.   She is an incredibly fragile young woman, who I adore quite a lot, and also haven’t talked to since before this May, and seen since last December 17th….so I miss her a bit.   So, perhaps another reasons I did not force myself out of slumber until noon?  I was able to see my Azzy longer.

Anyway, in honor of her, I think I will include a link to a song that reminds me of her like crazy because it used to be one of her favorite songs, when she sang, and lived…right before cornering herself into a controlling relationship, and an even more controlling religion…so, yeah.  I’m going to try to do that.    It’s called Raindrops by Regina Spektor. 

\”Raindrops by Regina Spektor\” that is not my myspace profile, btw. 

Hopefully that works.





Okay, so I’m not really sure why it is that I cannot add anything to my ‘home’ page, and why it is that it is just a blank page that reads ‘cannot find what you are looking for’ or whatever, but yeah, so that’s my problem, I was trying to test and see if I could get this post to post on my homepage, but I don’t think it worked.

I’m prolly going to be posting a little bit today…don’t have much else to do, which is bad/sad.